I’m excited for the opportunity to express what I want for father’s day publicly, because somehow it’s easier to ask for expensive presents from my wife online than in person. There’s a certain chickenish hesitation I have in asking for pricey items face to face; I need to gear myself up before I do it. A good stiff drink and a pep talk seem to help, but at the end of the day I’m still a boy, standing in front of a girl, asking for an ipad or something. So this is really a great idea, Josh, since it allows me to ask for what I want and then cower under a digital rock while I wait for Lisa to respond.
What I want for father’s day is two new suits. Is that so big of a deal? I’m in London this month and I found a shop on High Street Kensington selling two suits for one; and the suits are really sharp! European tailoring, great fabrics. Bottom line? I gotta have one! Or two. Because it’s a two for one sale. Normally I wouldn’t get all excited about some dumb suits, but since I’m a counselor in the bishopric I am de facto expected to wear suits every Sunday. It’s become, for me, sort of a uniform. And I’ve resolved myself into thinking that the suits I currently have, which are cut and tailored for middle-aged men, are really my only options. If you go to Mr. Mac or Men’s Wearhouse or Jos A Bank you have to settle for these big, bulky suits with boxy jackets and pleated pants. And those are the worst things for gentlemen built like myself: wide shoulders and skinny legs. I wind up looking like a classy butterball turkey, or a clown executive. But what are my options? I hate the way I look in suits, but there’s no choice. Outside the military, no one seems to like wearing uniforms.
But if I had two new suits, suits cut for men who aren’t big inflated blueberries, I think I would be excited to wear them. And I would be more excited for church! And my testimony would continue to strengthen week by week. So everybody wins here, right? But mostly me. I mostly win. And isn’t that what father’s day is all about? Letting dad win? (and also personal salvation?)
So, if you know my wife, drop her a line. Check in to offer your support for two new, crisply tailored suits for her husband who has to be at church sometimes 8 hours on a Sunday. Remind her I'll still have to be gone all that day, but at least she can rest easy in the knowledge that I'll be looking super suave as I count the tithing.